MInato VS Strega
by The Real Nowhere-Man
Summary: Next in my Minato VS series. A "WHat if"story where Chidori rejoins strega on the night of her escape from the hospital and they kidnap MInato. Crackness alert.


**Author's note:** Yo!!! This is going to be my next installment in what I'm going to call my "Minato VS" series. The first fic in that series is "**Minato goes to therapy"…check it out.**

SO anyway…this is just an idea I came up with. It is totally AU, and it is a what if story. The what if is: **What if, when Chidori escaped from the hospital, she met up with Strega and they kidnapped Minato?**

Enjoy:

**Minato VS Strega**

Minato was in quite the predicament now. He had been captured by his arch-nemesis Takaya and his band (and by band, we mean two) of teenage, Satan worshipping hit men (and one woman). They had him gagged and tied to a chair in the center of a windowless room that had one dim light bulb positioned directly above him.

How was it that he had ended up in this situation again? Oh, right:

_Flashback_

_Minato walked along the strip mall, not really doing anything. Then, quite suddenly, a stampede of orange emus broke out and he was forced to press himself against the sides of a shop to avoid the onslaught of oddly colored fury. As the Emus trampled the pavement, he heard a door open directly behind him. When he turns, he was rewarded for his curiosity by the sight of a crowbar blurring right toward his face._

_End flashback_

That explained how he had been caught off guard, but what was with the orange emus?

Then the door directly in front of him opened revealing Takaya and his rather conspicuously dressed henchmen (and one woman). Takaya (who was always barefoot _and_ shirtless) had a glowing madness in his eyes and a maniacal smile on his lips. Jin and Chidori, who stood on either side of him, simply glared at Minato.

Takaya: "So, Minato Arisato, we have you now!"

Minato: …

Takaya: Now that we have their leader, S.E.E.S. will be helpless against us.""

Minato: …

T: … "We will destroy them completely!

Minato: …

Takaya: …fine, don't say anything… it isn't as if anything you could say would change the inevitable! Hahahahaha!

Minato: …

Takaya: …

Minato: …

Takaya: …

Minato: …

Takaya: Stop that!

Minato: …

Takaya: Grrrrr! I'll teach you to mock me! Jin, Chidori, bring out the phonebook and the baseball bat!

Jin and Chidori: …

Takaya: Jin? Chidori?

Takaya looked to either side of him to find his partners in crime and praise of the dark lord lying on the ground next to him with blank expressions.

Takaya: Jin? Chidori? What are you doing?

Jin: Standing is so pointless.

Takaya: didn't you here what I said?

Jin: Yeah

Takaya: … so, aren't you going to do something?

Jin: No.

Takaya: … why not?

Chidori: it's pointless.

Takaya: What!? I gave you an order, I expect you to carry it out.

Jin and Chidori: whatever.

Now Takaya was nervous.

Takaya: what has happened to you two?

Jin and Chidori: …

Takaya: Speak to me!

Jin and Chidori: …

Takaya glared at Minato with a furious expression.

Takaya: You! What did you do?

Minato: …

Takaya: Answer me!

Takaya stared deep into Minato's eye, eyes that bore the same expression they always had (total neutrality), the same expression that were in Jin and Chidori's eyes. Then Takaya knew he had been tricked. He tried to fight it, but it was far too late. He was far too deep in the web the clever spider had woven for him. Takaya collapsed to his knees as the omnipotent force of Minato's Apathetic Stare technique bore down on him. His thoughts submitted to entropy that would ultimately lead to zombification.

Why had he captured Minato in the first place? It seemed like such a useless idea now. There had been something important… he was supposed to fight some people…right? Whatever, fighting was so unnecessary. It was every bit s boring as standing, or kneeling. He should probably just lay down…or whatever.

Yet despite the rapid decay of Takaya's upper brain function, he managed one last coherent phrase, a final attempt by his consciousness to fight off the invading detachment by reminding himself of his ambitions, of what was important.

"Uhhh…Hail Satan?" Takaya mumbled before collapsing onto the ground with the other two members of Strega.

If Minato were capable of satisfaction, he would have been satisfied. He now turned the full force of his ennui onto the ropes that bound him.

Now, you're probably thinking: "Wait, rope isn't even capable of Apathy, how does that work?" Well my simple minded friends, you clearly don't grasp the physics behind the Apathetic Stare technique. If it is ever turned on something that doesn't have a consciousness, the power of the Apathetic stare will actually create a mind for that thing, even if it is inanimate, so that it can become apathetic. If you have ever heard of inanimate objects behaving oddly, such as clocks that seem to stop when you look at them, or electronic devices that only work if you bend the wires in a certain way, this is not a trick of perception or an interruption in the flow of electrons in a wire… it is in fact an object that has gained its own personality as the result of someone using the Apathetic Stare on it…duh!

The ropes suddenly felt the tremendous futility of being all tied up, and simply unwound themselves from Minato, deciding to fall to the ground and feel irritated that there was nothing interesting to do (thought the rope didn't actually try to look for anything fun to do).

_Later at the S.E.E.S. Dorm_

Mitsuru strode to the door as she heard the knocking, wondering who it could be. Everyone but the Sex god- wait, she meant Minato Arisato, was back, and he had a key to the dorm (and her bedroom, but that was really not important right now). She opened the door and felt her jaw drop to the ground as Minato stepped into the dorm and walked past her, dragging all the members of Strega (who looked like they'd been put under some serious tranquilizers) bound together by a rope. Minato signed in, left the three on the floor, and proceeded to his room.

It would be several hours before Mitsuru managed to put her jaw back in place.


End file.
